I was recently talking with a friend in my book club about being a new stay at home mom. She said, "Oh, you are so lucky," and I know I am so fortunate to be able to stay home with the boys for a while. However, I hear those words "you are so lucky" resounding in my head as I recount this next story to you, and I ask you to keep it in mind as well.
As many people already know, we are having quite a time getting Grady to poop in the potty. He has been tinkling in the potty for well over a year now, but absolutely refuses to poop. There is no toy, movie, or food on earth that is enticing enough to him to make him poop on the potty - believe me, we have tried everything. At one time or another, Grady and I have both been reduced to tears over it. So we've dropped the subject entirely, on the advice of our pediatrician. She says that kids over 3 who do not poop in the potty are common - they are just not talked about in public by their embarrassed parents. I asked her if we were all going to have to enter therapy over this, and she assured me we would not. I am convinced that Grady is punishing me for having another baby to take away 50% of his attention (the doctor actually agreed with me on this and said having Hudson probably did set us back). Jason and I agree that this is by far the most harrowing thing we've gone through as parents.
A few weeks ago, after we returned from our Arkansas vacation, Grady gave me a glimmer of hope when he told me he wanted to poop on the potty. After reading about 10 books, having 3 cups of water, singing several songs, and going back and forth a few times from his potty to Mom and Dad's potty, a mere 2 HOURS later - Grady pooped in the potty. We jumped, clapped, called Dad, screamed with delight, and picked out one of the many "reward" toys that has been collecting dust in the closet - a huge Tonka rescue helicopter with working propellers, lights, sounds, a rescue hook that moves up and down, and two action figures. Now, any normal person would have known not to get her hopes up after this incident, but I thought perhaps we'd gotten over a hurdle. I told Grady that I fully expected that he would no longer poop in his pull-ups since I could clearly see that he COULD poop in the potty. He excitedly agreed and played with that helicopter like there was no tomorrow.
The following morning, I had a very nice lady, Brenda, over to clean the house. I was finishing up one of Hudson's feedings and then the boys and I were vacating the scene so she could clean uninterrupted. Grady was playing both in the living room and in his room while I fed Hudson and chatted with Brenda. He was in his room for a long time before I really noticed he was missing. Just before I could call for him, Grady came around the corner with a strange look on his face. He was holding a new pull-up, and as he approached, I could see that his arms and legs were strangely tan - then the smell hit me and Brenda at the same time. I gasped, "OH, GRADY" and Brenda said, under her breath, "oh, no ... oh, no." Grady just very calmly said, "Can you help me put on this new pull-up?" as if nothing was amiss.
I handed Hudson to Brenda and went to check out just exactly what had gone down. In Grady's room, I found two huge brown spots on the carpet and a trashcan full of stained KLEENEX. I guess that was all he could find to try and clean himself. We suppose he pooped in his pull-up, then tried to discreetly clean himself up so that I'd never be the wiser. I guess he really thought he'd pulled it off, the way he just came and asked me to help him with his new pull-up. Of course, Grady had to be showered and God bless Brenda for cleaning up his floor! You know she was NOT expecting that when she came over that morning! Grady may have run her off for good!
These are not exactly the moments you envision when you are pregnant and dreaming of your sweet baby or when you are gazing down at your peacefully sleeping newborn. These are the things, as a parent, that you don't see coming and that no person, nor your own life experience, can really prepare you for. I mean, this was truly an experience that I had no reference for - a child, covered in his own poop, parading throught the house after having left me two piles of poop and a trashcan full of sh*tty Kleenex in his room! Seriously? But we got through it and can laugh about it now. I told Jason I'd be telling this story at Grady's wedding reception, just to pay him back for the stress. Ha, ha!
Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart.
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